“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Abraham Lincoln
The quest for happiness is part of the American psyche, embedded in our cultural DNA. Thomas Jefferson immortalized this sentiment when he penned the Declaration of Independence writing, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” Most of us would admit that the energy of our lives is spent in this pursuit of happiness, for ourselves and others. But there is a real question here. Where does happiness come from? How do we obtain it? Is happiness dependent on our external circumstances or is something deeper involved?
In The Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle argued that happiness is primarily the result of what you possess internally (your character, virtue, and disposition) rather than your external possessions (wealth, material goods, honor, and the pleasures of this world). Aristotle believed that happiness and a good life were obtainable despite adverse conditions and the storms of life. This was because our good interior disposition can’t be taken from us. However difficult our lives are, we always have control over our interior self. We often don’t choose our life circumstances, but we can choose our reactions to them.
In his classic book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl wrote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Frankl was an Austrian psychologist and Holocaust survivor. His riveting memoir describing his extreme suffering in a Nazi concentration camp during WW II is one of the greatest books ever written.
Our attitude is one of those internal possessions that is most important. As the Bar Kays (that great R&B funk band from the 1970s) sang – “Your attitude is what describes you.”
Cicero (the famous Roman statesman) argued that among these attitudes and internal possessions, gratitude was the most important. He wrote, “I wish to be adorned with every virtue, yet there is nothing which I can esteem more highly than the being and appearing grateful. For this one virtue is not only the greatest but is also the parent of all other virtues.”
Why does gratitude matter? Because the spirit of gratitude comes first and forms a core part of our happy life. Gratitude can illuminate the darkness of discontent and is necessary for happiness.
With gratitude, viewing what you have with thankfulness, you are emotionally wealthy. Ingratitude fosters the opposite. Ingrates experience emotional poverty by focusing on what they do not have.
If gratitude is necessary for happiness, what can we do to foster it? And what are the enemies of gratitude that worm their way into our minds like parasites sucking our happiness and joy?
Discontent is one happiness killer. Contentment is the fruit of gratitude. Discontent, or a focus on what we don’t have or cannot have is the opposite. Discontent brings with it frustration and sadness. But the attitude of discontent is a choice, as is gratitude.
Gratitude allows us to see the little things in our world as gifts. A songbird in the window, a sleeping dog at your feet, a cold Dr. Pepper on a hot afternoon, all of these small pleasures are blessings to savor and enjoy.
But what if we want to get serious in our quest for happiness? How can we grow in gratitude and contentment? Here are two suggestions.
The first is this. Instead of seeking happiness in possessions and passing pleasures, engage in meaningful and challenging activities, what the famed psychologist and researcher Martin Seligman calls gratifications.
Gratifications are actions that are mentally engaging and require effort but provide us with a strong sense of meaning – doing things that matter. Gratifications might include actions we consider hobbies, like painting, writing, and creating music. Gratifications often involve altruism where you have the opportunity to bless others.
Secondly, to cultivate happiness consider pursuing a foundation of faith. Recent studies have shown that actively religious people, as compared to those less religious, more often describe themselves as “happy.” Gregory Peck, that great Hollywood actor from years ago (think Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn) once said, “Faith gives you an inner strength and a sense of balance and perspective in life.” To be happy, we need that balance. How do we start? We can all pray. Consider going to church. Maybe open a Bible. That is a good place to start. And make up your mind to be happy.
© 2025 Jody Dyer
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