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 “You’re going to end up eating a steady diet of government cheese and living in a van down by the river!”   

Matt Foley
Motivational Speaker

 For fans of the classic comedy Saturday Night Live, Chris Farley’s portrayal of motivational speaker Matt Foley is one of the funniest skits ever broadcast in North America.  In frequent reminders of his current living conditions (he’s “living in a van down by the river!”), Matt references eating government cheese.  Believe it or not, there is a story here, a strange story.
 It all begins in 1977 with President Jimmy Carter.  Along with the energy crisis in the 1970s which tanked the economy, Americans were slammed with a national dairy shortage.  This resulted in 30% inflation on milk and other dairy products.  The government decided to intervene.  President Carter instituted a subsidy policy that pumped $2 billion into the dairy industry over a four-year-period.  This allowed dairy farmers to ramp up milk production without risk, knowing the government would purchase all their surplus milk.
 By the early 1980s we had gone from having too little milk to having too much milk.  Since cheese has a longer shelf life than other dairy products, the solution was obvious.  The USDA began buying and processing surplus milk and turning it into blocks of cheese.  It has been estimated that at this time the government owned over 500 million pounds of cheese.  Long the topic of secrecy and speculation (kind of like a Foodie version of Area 51), this surplus cheese is believed to have been stored in various caves and underground facilities in the state of Missouri.  More on that in a minute.
 In 1981, the government had so much cheese in storage, they considered dumping it in the ocean.  But then President Ronald Reagan had a better idea.  In December of that year, he announced a plan to give it away.  Reagan created the Temporary Emergency Food Assistance Program (TEFAP), ultimately distributing over 30 million pounds of cheese to low-income families and the elderly.  Many people who grew up in the ‘80s remember receiving government cheese.  It was given away for free at food banks, community centers, churches, and other facilities throughout the country.  Government cheese became a totem of American culture that continues to this day.  A few years ago, Snoop Dog even taught Martha Stewart how to cook with it on their TV show.
 Many businesses and companies also benefited from this surplus cheese.  With massive supplies still in storage, the government launched a cheese push into the corporate world.  This wave of cheese was the catalyst for offerings such as Pizza Hut’s Cheesy Bites Pizza, Domino’s Seven-Cheese Pizza, Burger King’s Chessy Angus Bacon Cheeseburger, and Taco Bell’s Quesalupa.  As the cheese surplus finally began to dwindle, the government was able to relax price supports.  
 This government cheese episode did herald a lasting change in our eating habits, however.  In 1970, the average per capita consumption of cheese in this country was less than 10 pounds per year.  Today, the average American consumes approximately 40 pounds each year. That is a fourfold increase.  Some would say this is a good thing.  You be the judge.
 Now about those cheese caves, here is what we know.  One facility is the Hunt Midwest SubTropolis in Kansas City.  It is located 150 feet below ground and is used to store not only cheese, but coffee and other goods as well.  It is believed that significant stores of government cheese can be found here.  Deep in the Ozarks and farther south is the cheese cave, known as the Springfield Underground.  It is an underground warehouse (3.2 million-square-feet in size) which opened as a limestone quarry in 1946.  The U.S. government insists that they have nothing stored there now.  The Springfield Underground is currently used by private enterprises, including the Kraft Heinz Company and Dairy Farmers of America.  Cheese as well as other products are stored here.  
 Rumor has it that there may be more of these cheese caves hundreds of feet below ground in Missouri.  These converted limestone mines can keep products perfectly at 36 degrees Fahrenheit.  Some sources claim that the government continued buying cheese and still has an estimated 1.4 billion pounds squirreled away in various caves underground.  We just don’t know for sure.  And our government seems pretty tight-lipped about it.
 This makes me want to go make a plate of nachos right now.  I like cheese!       

© 2024 Jody Dyer
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